topsy turvey

as i listen to the leona lewis album for the first time i find myself candidly writing because i had a pretty br00tal night. the funny thing is i was making MYSELF feel bad. i guess when aunt flo misses a visit and then suddenly drops in, she REALLY makes her self feel at home. im always pretty emotional when my monthly comes around, but this month seems more extreme. any and everything is making me upset... so my ever so loving boyfriend (who isnt loving in the traditional sense) sparked one of my biggest emotional outbursts in a long time. he really didnt do anything other than ignore something i said and THAT alone set me into a whirlwind of attitude, then anger, then sadness, then hard core crying. hes got a lot of patience with me... but on the flip side i deff have a lot of patience for him-- hes got a short fuse and a BIG temper. for the most part we are polar opposites in the emotion department... i tend to be affectionate all the time and he is deff not (although he does have his lovey duby moments) and while he is quick to burst out in anger, i let things simmer till they explode. so last night we had a little spiff, but in ramiro's wonderful charming way he said "stop crying already and go to sleep, you know i love you!-- go to bed, but not crying.... MAN I HATE YOUR PERIOD".... and like always, i told him yes and went to bed(but still cried hahaha). oh i love a little dysfunction, dont you? so aside from that ive been really stressed out lately... ive suffered from chronic migraines the past few weeks... it really sucks. then freaking out about my miss of last month... its been quite an eventfull month and a half thats for damn sure.

im emotionally imbalanced.
im totally a train wreck waiting to happen :) lol.

180.

dear jesus, what have i done.
im feeling betrayed by my own heart and mind.
i promised id never feel this way again.
i guess im a liar.
dear jesus, where do i go from here?
all that ive casted deep with in has sufaced now.
i cant keep my eyes open.
i guess all will stay disguised.

im completely lost.
i cant find my way.

random:

yuuuuuummmmmmmmmyyyyyy

updating.

its been quite some time since my last REAL blog post. the past few weeks have been thoroughly entertaining to say the least. ive gone to the casino with the girls, had and amazing thanksgiving with my family and ramiros family... had fun times at the obey sale (im sure some one would be mad if they found out who was there and that they were nice to me.. hahahaha)... had a surprisingly great time at dinner for drea's bday and had a a totally random time at my sisters for the de la hoya/pacquiao fight. every year, as the holiday season looms i am alway overwhelmed with this warm happy feeling. the past 2 years ive been lucky to have a boy who loves me and family and friends whos only agenda is to make me happy... this year is no different. i feel like ramiro and i have grown even closer this year, as it is the 3rd year we've been together. ive always been close to his family, but now i feel so at home with his family that i consider them MY family... im really looking forward to christmas and the new year. it should bring lots of fun memories to add to my already overflowing catalog.

the days and years are flying by. my niece is getting so big and everyones getting older and more mature. its only a matter of time til we all have families and kids of our own. i wonder if we'll all be friends when the first "d.a.ds" family baby is birthed. hahaha. OH MAN.