dreams are a tricky thing... and
im not talking about those visual manifestations that occur when
youre asleep.
im talking about a persons aspirations, their goals, their ambitions. we all have them, lots of them... if you
dont then maybe
youre not alive. i think my life was built on dreams. primarily because i have a longing to be better than what i currently am. its never been about wanting what i cant or
dont have... its wanting what i KNOW i can get.
ive always had that "prove you wrong" mentality... mostly because
im a brat. when some one told me they
didnt believe in me or that i
couldnt do something it was my first instinct to prove them wrong...
ive built my life on dreams because
im never content and i hate failure. i will admit
im very ambitions and sometimes i put too much on my plate. so i tend to let little things fall through the cracks-- sometimes big things.
i came from a family that thought highly of education and stellar grades (because
good just
didnt cut it). from a young age i knew i was different and so did my parents. we were all aware of my intelligence... that was never a question... but i just
didnt seem to have the same affinity for school as my brother and sister... i was a free spirit trapped in a book worms body. i maintained a 3.5 and up (every now and then dropping to a 3.0 and being scared
shitless about it)... i went to church and youth group just about every day (religion was a REALLY big thing in my home). i barely satisfied my parents dreams for me... but i
wasnt at all satisfying myself. i wanted to do all things creative. even with my already busy schedule i joined dance and drill team; i also had a short lived stint in the choir. this is where i wanted to excel and i did. my goals for life after high school were on two complete opposite sides of the spectrum... i wanted to be intellectually and financially successful so i worked hard in school so i could go to
pepperdine and study law. but i also had dreams of being a dancer, not the type that belonged to a company, more so the type that did videos and concerts. dance was what i did when i was feeling low or uninspired. i watched music videos day in and day out, learning the routines. i jumped into as many dance classes as i could. i danced until i was 19, ending my dance "career" during my last year at college... some how that dream fizzled out. maybe it was reality sinking in?
my dream of being a lawyer also faded mainly because i
didnt want to be a slave to the man
haha. it was at this point that i needed to figure out what i wanted to
persue. my sister, who graduated
summa cum
laude from
csuf with a degree in public relations (for those of you who
dont understand the magnitude of what that is, she graduate with a 4.5
gpa making her first in her collegiate class, i know right?!) has always been who i went to for life advice. she was stern, smart and non judgmental. she would give me the honest answer whether i liked it or not. it was her words that made me want to
persue a life in hair and cosmetic
artisty. she believed in my talent and encouraged me to get the best education possible. my parents
werent pleased with the idea of their daughter becoming a hair dresser, but they listened to my sister and begrudgingly agreed to help me financially. i had big goals, i wanted to be the best of the best. i decided to do that i would enroll at
paul mitchell the school. i wont go into the number game of how much it really was, just know i could have bought a
beamer with my tuition. i decided to go with that school, not only because of its "prestige" but because of the
opportunities i knew i would get because of it. being there i truly felt this is where i needed to be. because i made it a point to stand out, because i wanted to be on top the dean knew my name, new my talent and knew who to go to when they needed hands. i did things as a student that,
licensed hair dressers who have been in the industry for years will probably never get the chance to do. i did hair for LA fashion week, as well as doing a number of
tillys photoshoots. the greatest
opportunity of all though was working with the amazing
vivienne mackinder. i mean how many
cosmo students can say they physically worked with a 5 time
NAHA winner.
ive never
talked about this particular moment in my life, simply because i knew if i did, i would create high expectations and i could possibly disappoint many loved ones... but here it goes: the last day i worked with ms.
mackinder, we had a talk about my dreams in hair dressing. i took in all her advice and her genuine words of wisdom and she told me that she
see's me going great places, that she hopes to someday cross paths with me. i was on cloud nine... but on my drive home from the long beach convention center i was extremely pensive, i decided id keep that
convo to myself because i
didnt want to create something that i
couldnt complete. somewhere in the next year i lost focus. i lost ambition. i started to realize that my passion for hair
wasnt what it use to be. yes, i loved hair i was great at it, but did i love it enough to make it my world? these questions led me to quit hair school (queue grease's "beauty school drop out"). where do i go from here? i knew i wanted to be a part of the beauty industry, but i
couldnt seem to find where i really wanted to be. from then to now,
ive worked in a full service spa, a bank, worked for benefit cosmetics and now
im here. working as a marketing assistant. i have a grown up job with a grown up life to come. yet i still
dont know where i want to be, career-wise that is.
hmm do i smell some dabbling in fashion marketing? chalk it up to me to want to be a jack of all trades :)
emotionally, my dreams are being fulfilled completely. just like any girl, i wanted to find my soul mate... the one person to complete me. i think that i may have found that in
ramiro. as
ive expressed in prior blogs, we've had really rough days. but
youve got to work hard to get where you want to be right?
im not naive, i know nothing is for sure. we are both young and growing. i cant predict that things will remain this way forever. all i can say is i
wouldnt hate it if it did :)
ramiro not just my boyfriend, hes my best friend. i know i can come to him about almost anything. he not only supports me in my many endeavors, he encourages me.
im glad to say that i have found some one that i can honestly and whole
heartedly love. we bump heads, we exchange words, we argue and get
frustrated... but
isnt that where passion lies? its when you
dont care, that you loose hope. with ever argument we progress as a tighter unit and i am reminded of how much i appreciate him in my life, and i hope the feeling is mutual.
dreams, ambitions, goals are never ending. they flow constant and i
dont ever want that to change. my life is a ball of desire... i want to keep growing, learning, a moving forward. i will never stop when i hit a wall, i will do what it takes to move past it. i can not and will not be stopped at this point in my life. my energy is positive and ready to burst. i cant wait to see what life has in store for me!
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